This pain I feel is not going away..
Everyone says time heals..
Seems like it gets worse over time...
All this pain inside just sitting there waiting to come out..
Maybe it gets worse before it gets better..
I sure don't want it to get worse before it gets better..
I bottle up everything and throw it out to the ocean..
But it seems like my bottle always comes back to me..
So I open it..
Everything comes out...
But I don't show it.
I go to my room cry or take a shower and cry..
But what happens when I am mad at myself...
or even mad at someone else for doing this to me...
I cut myself thinking it's my fault all of that happened..
I don't eat or sleep...
I wish this pain would just leave...
I tried running away from pain I just cant...
It's always there..
Like a best friend...
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Be strong
No one knows how bad things hurt when they said those bad things..
Like making fun of abuses..
Making fun of raped..
Something not to make fun of..
For real reasons!
Because maybe someone by you has been..
They don't want to listen to that even if you weren't!
Really messed up!
Something not to make fun of or something that's not even going to make you laugh!
Like making fun of abuses..
Making fun of raped..
Something not to make fun of..
For real reasons!
Because maybe someone by you has been..
They don't want to listen to that even if you weren't!
Really messed up!
Something not to make fun of or something that's not even going to make you laugh!
Behind the smile
There's a lot behind my smile
A lot that you don't see
A lot that I hide from you
You don't know the real me
There's a lot behind my smile
So much that I hide from you
Things you'll never know
And couldn't comprehend if you do
You'll never see behind this mask
That I've worn for so many years
Just remember
That one smile can hide a million tears
There's a lot behind my smile
I act like I've got nothing to lie about
Nothing to sigh about
But inside I've got something to cry about
There's a lot behind my smile you see
I just don't always voice my fears
But always remember
That one smile can hold a million tears
A lot that you don't see
A lot that I hide from you
You don't know the real me
There's a lot behind my smile
So much that I hide from you
Things you'll never know
And couldn't comprehend if you do
You'll never see behind this mask
That I've worn for so many years
Just remember
That one smile can hide a million tears
There's a lot behind my smile
I act like I've got nothing to lie about
Nothing to sigh about
But inside I've got something to cry about
There's a lot behind my smile you see
I just don't always voice my fears
But always remember
That one smile can hold a million tears
Wanting to cry, but keeping that head up high.
I don't want the tears to come up, overflowing and dropping down my face. I know that sometimes I just need it, but I want to avoid it all the time. I hate crying, hate it to my core. I don't ever get a chance to cry out loud. If I do, then people would want to know why. I cant speak when I cry. I have no words just thoughts when I cry. WHEN SOMEONE SEES I AM IN PAIN I TEND TO HIDE IT WITH A REALLY LAME EXCUSE LIKE I HAVE REALLY BAD TOOTHACHE. I WANT TO CRY SO BAD. ALSO WHEN I CRY I CANNOT STOP I CONTINUE TO THINK OF ALL THE THINGS I DID WRONG AND THINK OF THE PEOPLE I GAVE UP ON. I AM ACTUALLY HOPELESS.
I have to be an example, I have to be normal, I have to be happy no matter what and take what life gives me with a smile on my face. But you know what? I`m not strong, I`m far from being an example, I`m so not what you call normal and most of all I`m not happy. The real me it`s hidden with a smile. When it get`s too much, and I can`t keep my mask any longer, don`t worry, you won`t see my silent tears.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to cope with everything but its so much. Sometimes to much. I've been thinking about cutting again because it makes me feel better and feel like the pain goes away. I want to feel free! I don't want to feel so gross anymore. I want to feel that I love myself and my body.
I have to be an example, I have to be normal, I have to be happy no matter what and take what life gives me with a smile on my face. But you know what? I`m not strong, I`m far from being an example, I`m so not what you call normal and most of all I`m not happy. The real me it`s hidden with a smile. When it get`s too much, and I can`t keep my mask any longer, don`t worry, you won`t see my silent tears.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to cope with everything but its so much. Sometimes to much. I've been thinking about cutting again because it makes me feel better and feel like the pain goes away. I want to feel free! I don't want to feel so gross anymore. I want to feel that I love myself and my body.
Teens
Hey you guys!!
I just wanted to say sorry I haven't been writing much. I just started and really didn't know what to write about. I want you guys to start giving me some idea's no were to start or what you guys like. I'm here to help too.
Well sense I haven't been writing on my blog I will tell you guys I got a JOB!! I've been there a month and it's been okay. I get my own money and it makes me feel great! I feel like I'm on top of the world ha :)
Well I hope you guy comment soon! Have a nice day!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Wish People Knew!!
Depression is eating at me every minute and second of the day, how do I cope with the horrible effects and make it go away?
I feel so tired and run down and I don't sleep, I lie in bed at night and wonder why it runs so deep.
Everyone asks why do you look so sad, do I tell them that my depression is eating me up and that I feel really bad?
Does everyone notice how I walk around in a sad, and that I have deep black bags under my eyes nowadays.
I wake up every morning feeling so hopeless, like nothing ever goes right and wondering why my life has to be such a mess.
Falling from darkness to a place I don't know, everything's moving with no place to go I feel so alone and scared
As I fall, I wonder, "Is anyone there?"
As the days and nights pass right by I count the nights I just lay and cry falling from faith, falling from love
please, is there anyone?
No one knows how I really feel
I just want him to hold me and help me heal
As I fall, I feel the rain
I begin to think that may be he isn't the key to ease my pain.
I feel so tired and run down and I don't sleep, I lie in bed at night and wonder why it runs so deep.
Everyone asks why do you look so sad, do I tell them that my depression is eating me up and that I feel really bad?
Does everyone notice how I walk around in a sad, and that I have deep black bags under my eyes nowadays.
I wake up every morning feeling so hopeless, like nothing ever goes right and wondering why my life has to be such a mess.
Falling from darkness to a place I don't know, everything's moving with no place to go I feel so alone and scared
As I fall, I wonder, "Is anyone there?"
As the days and nights pass right by I count the nights I just lay and cry falling from faith, falling from love
please, is there anyone?
No one knows how I really feel
I just want him to hold me and help me heal
As I fall, I feel the rain
I begin to think that may be he isn't the key to ease my pain.
:(
Depression makes me forget the world. Depression makes me sick, what does depression give me?
I'm so far gone you wouldn't even know so far gone I won't even show. I'm too far gone you can't help me. So far gone, I wish you could understand how much pain one could withstand. I'm in so deep to deep for you to notice, to deep for you to care I'm gone now nothings left.
The Pain is bigger then me, It seems that the struggle is always here with me.
Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room, yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness. Outside lives a girl full of life, yet inside hides a girl full of pain, wanting to die. Outside lives a girl with goals and aspirations, yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion. What you see on the outside is my personal disguise, what hides underneath you can't even begin to imagine.
If you hold me close you can hear my heart it cries more than most from being torn apart. I ask "why must I awake?" Can you ever truly forgive without forgetting? Even though these tears are streaming. Each day I live, little sanity I have bloomed like walking in a cloud of fog. Interest lost in everything I do but what a life, who really knew? I try and try to ease the pain a fallen effort with no gain, thoughts begin to eat away. Uncomfortable around others for the way I feel I pray and wish this all wasn't real. write this all as I fall from grace
Down to this place, some barren waste I know not how much longer I will last but all I can do, is pray that this will just pass.
I look in the mirror and it's like I don't even recognize myself. I look so down and try not to cry. I see that girl when I look in the mirror, but she's too far gone.
I can't bring her back to life she's feeling to much strife. I feel her inside me, but my depression won't let her come out. I think the old me is gone without doubt.
I'm so far gone you wouldn't even know so far gone I won't even show. I'm too far gone you can't help me. So far gone, I wish you could understand how much pain one could withstand. I'm in so deep to deep for you to notice, to deep for you to care I'm gone now nothings left.
The Pain is bigger then me, It seems that the struggle is always here with me.
Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room, yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness. Outside lives a girl full of life, yet inside hides a girl full of pain, wanting to die. Outside lives a girl with goals and aspirations, yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion. What you see on the outside is my personal disguise, what hides underneath you can't even begin to imagine.
If you hold me close you can hear my heart it cries more than most from being torn apart. I ask "why must I awake?" Can you ever truly forgive without forgetting? Even though these tears are streaming. Each day I live, little sanity I have bloomed like walking in a cloud of fog. Interest lost in everything I do but what a life, who really knew? I try and try to ease the pain a fallen effort with no gain, thoughts begin to eat away. Uncomfortable around others for the way I feel I pray and wish this all wasn't real. write this all as I fall from grace
Down to this place, some barren waste I know not how much longer I will last but all I can do, is pray that this will just pass.
I look in the mirror and it's like I don't even recognize myself. I look so down and try not to cry. I see that girl when I look in the mirror, but she's too far gone.
I can't bring her back to life she's feeling to much strife. I feel her inside me, but my depression won't let her come out. I think the old me is gone without doubt.
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