Not going away

This pain I feel is not going away.. 
Everyone says time heals..
Seems like it gets worse over time...
All this pain inside just sitting there waiting to come out..
Maybe it gets worse before it gets better..
I sure don't want it to get worse before it gets better..
I bottle up everything and throw it out to the ocean..
But it seems like my bottle always comes back to me..
So I open it..
Everything comes out...
But I don't show it.
I go to my room cry or take a shower and cry..
But what happens when I am mad at myself...
or even mad at someone else for doing this to me...
I cut myself thinking it's my fault all of that happened..
I don't eat or sleep...
I wish this pain would just leave...
I tried running away from pain I just cant...
It's always there..
Like a best friend...